Monday, June 8, 2009

On a Monday

I used to think "radical faith" or "radical trust" were terms to be reserved for people who are living the Kingdom on levels I only write, pray, and speak about right now (God, change me as you desire).  

But for the last several weeks, Monday morning has provided a chance to step out onto the water for me.  The storm, to keep the metaphor, is financial in nature.  God is teaching me a whole new variety of trust... and for the last several weeks, I have not handled it well.  Because I grew up in one of those rare families where "money stress" was almost completely unheard of, I believed I had the gift of freedom from financial anxiety.  

I was a kid who had never been at sea... and suddenly I find myself aboard a small boat caught in a big storm.  

So, what does one do?  I searched the options, begged friends and family for words that would bring me peace, sought false stability in falsely stable options, and found every one of them coming up short.  Drowning, it seemed, was inevitable.  

But there's a Man standing out there on the water.  And today, at least for now when the storm isn't raging quite as badly, I'm choosing to look at him.  

After years of fancy-ing myself one who could give some pretty sharp advice, real fear, real anxiety, the real possibility that the "things" which give me security could become nightmares, have all broken the mould.  And all I can say to anyone any more is simply this: 

Look at the Man standing on the water.  Kingdom life, full of tension and wonder, will follow.

("Let us fix our eyes...")