This last Sunday I attempted to communicate the heart of Proverbs' message about the Parent-Child relationship. You can hear that sermon here. I am not a parent (yet), nor am I all that old and experienced (yet). However, this particular issue, and the one I'm preparing to discuss next Sunday (marriage, unless the Spirit alters the plan), exposes nerves.
After all, sitting in the relatively small congregation on Sunday (I'd guess we had about 70 adults there, but I'm not great at making that guess), there were people who:
Not only that, but the heart of the message was not supposed to be to parents, but to all of us as children of parents - which comes in many forms: biological parents, spiritual parents, adopted parents, and more. Suffice it to say, my list of painful issues with all of those relationships would be much longer than 7 points.
And yet, as I've written in previous posts, Proverbs is mostly optimistic about things. It generally says: "Live wisely and ultimately reap the benefits." It is at times realistic about the fact that people can find themselves in very luxurious or typically-desirable situations (such as wealth, feasts, marriage, lots of kids, influential positions, etc.) even though they are immoral, dishonest, vindictive, cruel, or otherwise wicked and foolish (See the many "better than" statements which honestly recognize that some people are wicked but have material luxury: 16:8, 19; 17:1; 21:9, 19; and several more). I'm grateful that it has this realistic balance, and that such a balance forces us to read the promised rewards for the wise and righteous as beyond the scope of this life.
The point of this post, however, is to ask: what does one do in light of the fact that the pithy sayings of Proverbs, which are indeed generally true, don't line up well with the painful and messy situations of life? I've been wrestling with this in the wake of preaching on Parenting and in the preparation for preaching on Marriage. And it certainly will continue when we get to Proverbs on money, on the way we speak, on business practices, and more.
The answer is Jesus. Really. Tonight I stumbled across an excellent article by Rev. Tim Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian in New York City on "The Importance of Hell." For reasons far beyond the scope of this discussion, I hope many Christians read it and grapple with it; it very succinctly explains my beliefs about hell (and adds new insights and explanations that ring deeply true).
Inside the scope of this article is his suggestion that Hell serves to teach the radical redemptive power of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. As I read that thought, this whole discussion of parenting and marriage happening inside my head clicked with a new life: everything Proverbs has to say about parenting surely ultimately points us to Jesus. God, whom we lovingly call Father (as Jesus always called him), sets the supreme example of loving parenting by Incarnating as Jesus and enduring the corporal, spiritual, emotional, and social punishment that was justly deserved by all of his children. Sacrifice proves to be the key to parenting; God the Father proves to be the perfect parent. And even he, like several of the people sitting in the congregation of Littleton Christian Church last Sunday, endured the worst sort of suffering in hopes of a great sort of gladness knowing that many whom he loved would continue to reject him.
What I'm trying to say is: Proverbs on Parenting sets our hopes high by saying it like it is: a wise child makes his/her father and mother deeply happy (generally), while a foolish child brings great pain and sadness to his/her father and mother. Present and future parents alike long for that happiness. And yet, these high hopes lead to anxiety, shame, confusion, and ultimately, to the recognition that even the perfect parent, with the perfect discipline, must walk the way of the cross.
O God, you are the Perfect Parent, and for us to know you and know your wisdom, you became the Perfect Penitent. We turn from our human attempt at wisdom yet again, and walk to your cross, denying ourselves and following you for ourselves, and for those in our care. Amen.
After all, sitting in the relatively small congregation on Sunday (I'd guess we had about 70 adults there, but I'm not great at making that guess), there were people who:
- Have tried to have kids and were never able to.
- Have tried to have kids, weren't able to, and so adopted.
- Have had a great experience with their adopted kids.
- Have had deeply painful experiences with their adopted kids, despite their best efforts.
- Have kids at several stages of life and because of divorce and a host of other issues are now separated from them.
- Have kids and are doing the best they can... but can feel them slipping away.
- Have kids and it all seems to be going according to plan.
- I'm sure there's more... but I'm just doing a mental scan of the people in the room!
Not only that, but the heart of the message was not supposed to be to parents, but to all of us as children of parents - which comes in many forms: biological parents, spiritual parents, adopted parents, and more. Suffice it to say, my list of painful issues with all of those relationships would be much longer than 7 points.
And yet, as I've written in previous posts, Proverbs is mostly optimistic about things. It generally says: "Live wisely and ultimately reap the benefits." It is at times realistic about the fact that people can find themselves in very luxurious or typically-desirable situations (such as wealth, feasts, marriage, lots of kids, influential positions, etc.) even though they are immoral, dishonest, vindictive, cruel, or otherwise wicked and foolish (See the many "better than" statements which honestly recognize that some people are wicked but have material luxury: 16:8, 19; 17:1; 21:9, 19; and several more). I'm grateful that it has this realistic balance, and that such a balance forces us to read the promised rewards for the wise and righteous as beyond the scope of this life.
The point of this post, however, is to ask: what does one do in light of the fact that the pithy sayings of Proverbs, which are indeed generally true, don't line up well with the painful and messy situations of life? I've been wrestling with this in the wake of preaching on Parenting and in the preparation for preaching on Marriage. And it certainly will continue when we get to Proverbs on money, on the way we speak, on business practices, and more.
The answer is Jesus. Really. Tonight I stumbled across an excellent article by Rev. Tim Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian in New York City on "The Importance of Hell." For reasons far beyond the scope of this discussion, I hope many Christians read it and grapple with it; it very succinctly explains my beliefs about hell (and adds new insights and explanations that ring deeply true).
Inside the scope of this article is his suggestion that Hell serves to teach the radical redemptive power of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. As I read that thought, this whole discussion of parenting and marriage happening inside my head clicked with a new life: everything Proverbs has to say about parenting surely ultimately points us to Jesus. God, whom we lovingly call Father (as Jesus always called him), sets the supreme example of loving parenting by Incarnating as Jesus and enduring the corporal, spiritual, emotional, and social punishment that was justly deserved by all of his children. Sacrifice proves to be the key to parenting; God the Father proves to be the perfect parent. And even he, like several of the people sitting in the congregation of Littleton Christian Church last Sunday, endured the worst sort of suffering in hopes of a great sort of gladness knowing that many whom he loved would continue to reject him.
What I'm trying to say is: Proverbs on Parenting sets our hopes high by saying it like it is: a wise child makes his/her father and mother deeply happy (generally), while a foolish child brings great pain and sadness to his/her father and mother. Present and future parents alike long for that happiness. And yet, these high hopes lead to anxiety, shame, confusion, and ultimately, to the recognition that even the perfect parent, with the perfect discipline, must walk the way of the cross.
O God, you are the Perfect Parent, and for us to know you and know your wisdom, you became the Perfect Penitent. We turn from our human attempt at wisdom yet again, and walk to your cross, denying ourselves and following you for ourselves, and for those in our care. Amen.
You seem to be making a point of all the imperfect variations that children can take on in this life. I think it's worth exploring all the issues that parents bring to the equation. I wonder how many children long to feel that they have made their parents proud but feel unable to do so because the parent is incapable of expressing these emotions. Being disappointed as a parent and being disappointed as a child have equal weight in exposing our need for a more perfect model of unconditional and healthy family relationships.
ReplyDeleteGreat point, Jim - the failures and shortcomings of this fundamental human relationship are at least as common in the other direction. I've written with those people in mind who are generally good parents and feel their love and guidance has fallen on deaf ears; and yet any one of us knows many people who longed for the sort of parents who delighted in the wisdom and success of their kids, but as you say, discovered mothers and/or fathers incapable of that love. We do need a more perfect model - and we need a way to follow it!
ReplyDeleteIn light of the point of the post, the question I would ask is: what hope does the gospel give to such people? How does that particular hellish situation emphasize the greatness of the cross of Christ? Does it at all?
As I reflect on that question, my first attempt at an answer is not an exact reversal of what I've suggested to those parents with breaking hearts about their rebellious children, at least not at first. At first, the answer is in discovering the love and the reproof that comes from God as a gracious infusion of the parenting that was absent for so many people.
But that is just the beginning. In fact, since the Proverbs (with much of the Bible) seem more interested in instructing children how to treat our parents, the same hope applies: for those of us who have/had great parents, and for those of us who have/had unstable or abusive parents, our hope of honoring them can only go so far. At some point, dishonor will weave it's way in - especially since Proverbs links honoring one's parents to living a perfectly wise life. I love my parents, but I certainly have not lived a perfectly wise life, nor have I lived out all their great instructions to me. The standard set up in Proverbs, which calls for perfect obedience to the parent's teaching, is impossible.
And thus, the way of Jesus is hugely necessary again; as he's the only one to perfectly walk according to his Father's commands, and only do what he saw his Father doing. The way of the cross, the call to make our lives living sacrifices, is the way to honor. The way to honor my parents well, in other words, is to turn my attention from them to Jesus.
Thanks for reading, and for commenting!
One of my most annoying writing habits (at present) is writing "it's" when I meant "its," only to catch it right after I've publicized the work. With the blog, I can edit... not so with comments. My apologies. The further I get from school, the less clean my grammar.
ReplyDeleteJesus can redeem you from poor grammar too.
ReplyDelete